June 17th '10

If ever there was a time for us...
my hands crush keyboard
heavy enough by now with the weight of you gone
my arms chain link snap outwards against that which would do you wrong
we were insects
conscripts rubbing our legs together in the tallest rain bent grasses
you in the clear cut and hotel / no tent
me in the basement / spit chimes
bridge piercing pulled out by the hood vent
endless gaze intent / time held / never spent
double wide bed / on one side i slept
the other empty where you'll never lay
never play / never twist jays / there you'll never sit
but still I leave the space for on every night when I come to bed
drained or strung out or drunk or just a peacefulness in my head
I feel the apparition of the compilation of every second of love that we created smoldering beside me and that rogue ghost of yours (I can only imagine leaves you every night knowing) warms my back or chest or whatever part of me crests the center divide as I slip into sleep to be reborn the next day to see that I all ways have everything in front of me / hun there is no need to find
every day a NEW WORLD awaits without a single ounce of fear to take
so on the days here that it rains (which lately is most days)
I go into the back yard lay down in the uncut grass and dandelions and let the pouring soak me
hands filled with wet dirt I close my eyes and hum in time with the chirping song of when we were just insects rubbing our legs together in discovery of the majesty of the harmony we couldn't believe creatures as small as we could create / for it still echoes as strongly as a thunder storm cascading between mountain peaks...
if ever there was a time for us...

June 12th '10

The last week of rain and overcast had subsided and a hot newness bore down into the basement pulling me to wake. i put aside the the mars volta, aesop rock and other albums I'm akin to when the sky sings in a more down tempo rhythm and slid deftones - white pony into the discman, which after being packed away for 5 years still works perfectly. white pony was always good sunshine music when i was 17. i am now at least as old as those musicians were when they released the album. skating down the street listening to 'back to school' thinking about what a massive inspiration these tracks were then. i smiled kept my head up and pushed hard as it came to me that even though i still love the music the deftones still release that space for inspiration has been replaced with someone else, myself.

May 31th '10

Chin up ambition heavy as cancer
I spit luck graceful as disaster
organized as a handgun
I explode out where I'm from
shatter the full length mirror
into a thousand renegade tears
and whats left? just the master
track plays in my head like ba dum dum dum

I'll shout the words out right now
and leave the beats to my body
only after I have turned cadaver
and all of the mountains have melt to snow
and all the voices blend to a single laughter
and no one will ever come to my shows
but still I present like go go go

I choreographed this movement myself
so fuck the crowds and fuck the actors
i hang under a single spot light
for an audience of me the only dancer
and yea maybe the tapes will just sit on the shelf
but at least I know the places I've gone
and what a heavy progression song
sounds like every time I truly delve delve delve

Swarm

Let's sit down and blaze one over some thoughts

fly it high fly it straight into a deep swarm

born to boil over the pots

steam burns the skin clean

reminds us of our scars and keeps us mean

reminds us to fly as it keeps our minds

sharp is constantly testing our might

ridding us of unnecessary soft spots

and grown out of appendages

versatile vestiges

lacking in penmanship or any moving parts

in case of when the heart won't start

the willingness is the first

of the serving to pack away to embark

and the unwilling?

well let's who see the water coming

come to gather to construct an ark of sorts

some called a lark of course

a source of inspiration still more than remorse

discourse at the hands of our own

self created thieves villains and whores

some how I think we've been down

this cobble street one too many times before

the dim street lamps seem so bright after the darkness

that I must lower my eyelids strained and sore

but still there is a flicker maybe even a spark in the corner

of a scratch a mark in the very center of my core

the echoing chambers of my heart a central park

a cathedral in the heat of the night the dark

the right kind of light you could only see

if you knew you had been watching it straight from the start

remark that the gradient skews at angles sewn sparse

the swarm swam against the current and once I joined it

once we had finally intersected

I knew what it meant to be a part of the flurry

the hurry the burgeoning creative fury intertwining

so let's swim hard as a torrent

let's construct a bridge and swim under it

out of away from the torment

let's come together to become indivisible

let's dig out a new swim hole to spiral

outwards forever evolution centrifugal

a swarm of hoppers

the grain under the bark

a home for the larks and those

with vocal chords and a spastic

brackish set of choppers

splayed synonyms width ways

we chomp out the verbs

alleviate the words

and let the chainsaw heart song be heard

inject phonetics for simplicities sake

pull the f out of life so my hull can be full

even after death's day sang until our vessels sank

and when we're decomposing the dirt and dank

our voice'll still ring loud 'cause our

throat's the sky and that shit'll never rot away

for when we speak in time with one another

we are segued into / directed into

mud spilled skin that I'll never wash clean

water and ash and all the elements

we are of so we are the universe

now you know what I mean when I speak

of the natural progression's directionless directive

diverged and shoving under the harvest moon

remember how we kicked

each other's teeth in every fortnight at noon

though it was always with love

but we just dug the way

the blood gleamed across the window pane

and I just loved the supposed confusion

and what we did to remain

in the grasp of the stain's complexity

shone brilliantly in all ways

though varying it's opacity

depending on the audience

some see what they got

while other's see what they want

some see the fights that they fought

while other's manifest flight

like they already got wings

like the sky is theirs to sing

so we don't worry about our dreams

cause we got a life to bleed

and it seems that we won't stop

until we squeeze out every last ounce

every last pound every last sound

every last drop

so let's fly hard as a torrent

let's construct an infant sky and dive into it

out of away from the torment

let's come together to become indivisible

let's birth a new bright star to spiral

outwards forever evolution centrifugal

Cenotaph

In the mirrored eyes not the cunt you thunk
gestized jesters in the moon light
jest Jah warming gestures warm as spunk
we are aliens mystified grappling the water
history of slight sty's decipher whales baptized
in the fire of war and documenting only after
evolution of laughter
thin as cellophane spread out as the slaughter
telepathize reverse of the genocide
scrutinize on message to my brain
from the thigh herd dimension of left to your stain
instated counter production
under the cleft palate sews young bodies
hung souls bronze the gold plates of the rank
just to walk the plank welcome waves
after all that's the long and short of think tank
the shot and song senses prevail
under winds of the small wart hog's dick stank
this is not my smile in the dawn of the rough life shingles
this is violent words from my tongue to the ears of beautiful people